I’m a planner. I love putting things in my calendar and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t color code everything. Recently, a friend and I took some time to get our nails done and stop by one of our favorite places for lunch (hence the delicious treat pictured above, thank you Fox Meadows!). On the way home I got to thinking about how busy life can get and how there were often months I would look at my calendar and spread myself so thin, I’d have multiple things going on almost everyday. I thought staying busy would fix what I was missing. I thought that by keeping my mind busy and by making it to every possible thing I could I wouldn’t think so much about the underlying hurt.

But it was exhausting. I was feeling the pressures of trying to make everyone else happy and make it to every little thing while I was wearing myself out. I felt obligated to be present at everything and although I may have been there physically, I wasn’t always present mentally. I truly felt like if I didn’t go to certain things I would let others down and I would be a huge disappointment to them.

It was a hard pill to swallow feeling like the effort I had to give wasn’t enough for others. Let me say that again. I felt like the effort I had to give wasn’t enough for OTHERS. But what about me? What was I doing to fill my cup? It was a rude awakening realizing that I couldn’t continue to give from an empty cup and the more I was willing to give, it felt like the more everyone else was willing to take.

It took me a long time to realize I needed to start making commitments to myself and setting boundaries on what I felt were obligations to others. I needed to start adding in those yellow “fun things” on my calendar and truly take time to do things and spend time with the people who I wanted.

“Let whatever you do today be enough. Let go of the judgement you have about what you “should be” or “could be” doing today, allow yourself to just be.”

Daniell Koepke

I finally realized it was time I took a step back and stopped throwing out an automatic yes every time I was asked to go do this or that. I started prioritizing myself and it’s amazing the changes I started to see in both myself and others. I stopped putting so much effort into relationships that I felt were draining to me and began to create a community that I felt supported me and was impacting me in a positive way. I stopped doing the things I would have considered “obligations” before and started to fill my calendar with things that truly were feeding my soul. Was everyone supportive? Absolutely not. But again, the things I found draining I stopped putting effort into and chose to take that effort and put it towards something good.

Grief is a hard enough journey and to feel that you have to be everything to everyone makes things so much more difficult. It adds unnecessary pressure. So I say take that time to fill your cup. Do things you love and spend time with the people who make you happy and make you a better version of yourself. Go out with friends and eat ice cream until your stomach hurts, read that book that’s been sitting on your shelf forever, take the vacation you’ve been thinking about planning. But don’t let the expectations others have for you determine how you’re spending your time. Don’t let the obligations you feel you owe to someone else overtake the commitments you’ve made to yourself.

Always,

Courtney