This past weekend I was able to FINALLY celebrate my graduation and boy did it feel good.

I technically graduated in 2019 with my BSN, but because I was an August graduate I didn’t think I was allowed to walk in the May graduation that year. I will never forget getting the text that my name was in fact listed in the program and I could have walked in the ceremony. After reaching out to my advisor and explaining that I missed my own graduation, they allowed me to be included in the graduation for the class of 2020…until that ceremony was canceled (thanks COVID).

Two years and three graduation ceremonies later I found myself finally getting to wear my cap and gown and walk across the stage. Colton and his parents, my sister, and my parents were all able to be there and the rest of my family was able to stream the graduation online. Initially, I wasn’t even planning on going, but honestly…I’m so glad I did.

The entire time I was going to school I took classes online while still working a full-time nightshift job in the ICU. I remember doing my best to turn in assignments and tie up all of those loose ends before getting my diploma while also going through my second miscarriage, a separation in my marriage, and the beginning of my divorce. Those last few months of school felt like a blur and to be honest, it’s hard for me to remember a lot of it. But I’ve been told that when we go through something traumatic our mind tends to take those traumatic moments and block them out completely.

I don’t know how I did it. I don’t know how I balanced grieving the loss of a child and a marriage all while finishing school and graduating with honors. Looking back though, all of those things had to happen.

I had to go through my first miscarriage with B just three months into my marriage.

And then, I had to go through my miscarriage with H the following year.

I had to walk away from my marriage of only two years at the exact moment I did.

Colton and I had to meet and become friends first, because our friendship needed time to grow.

I had to miss my graduation, not knowing I would be better off for it.

Even though I didn’t know it at the time, all of those things had to happen in exactly that order, and at exactly those moments. Not earlier. Not later. All of the struggles and days where I just didn’t know how much more I could handle were more important than I ever thought they would be. Everything that happened up until now was necessary.

It was a timeline I never could have planned for myself, a timeline that had uprooted all of my expectations. But finally getting to walk across the stage this past weekend made me realize that even for just those few moments I’m exactly where I’m intended to be.

Always,

Courtney