Comparison.

Something I find myself doing way too often. Honestly, I’d like to blame it on social media. I’d like to blame it on the fact that it feels like every time I go on Facebook or Instagram I see another pregnancy announcement. I think anyone who’s experienced a pregnancy loss, infant loss, or infertility can agree that seeing those announcements and seeing other pictures people post of their babies growing up is one of the hardest things.

That should be me. Why didn’t I deserve to keep my baby? My baby would be the same age. I would be that far along too. What did I do wrong? I should be planning a first birthday too.

These are all things I’ve thought to myself while scrolling through Facebook. Like I said, as much as I’d like to blame social media and say it’s all the internet’s fault, I can’t. As hard as it is seeing all of those posts, it’s something that should be shared. It’s such a happy time and definitely something to celebrate for everyone lucky enough to experience such a beautiful thing. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me feel selfish for feeling angry and upset while reading those kinds of posts.

Comparison is always there and not just in regards to starting a family. I’ve had lots of conversations with friends about this whole idea of where we all should be in life. Married, settled down, starting a family. Some of us are there and some of us aren’t. It’s what makes this age so hard…the idea of “this is what I’m supposed to be doing, so what’s wrong with me that I’m not there yet?” We’re so invested in what everyone else is doing that we forget that it’s okay to be content with exactly where we’re at in this moment. Maybe you’re not checking off some huge milestone on your list, but something small you did today is just one step closer to that big plan.

So like I said before, as much as I’d like social media to take the blame for me comparing where I’m at in life to others, I just can’t. Because honestly it’s my own fault for comparing myself to everyone around me instead of appreciating what I’m able to contribute and where I’m at in life. It was evident when my mom brought home this “live happy” shirt from Carriage House Style, one of our favorite little shops. This shirt is made by one of their very own artists, Greer (you can find her on Instagram @magic_by_greer)! It was a great reminder to simply live happy. Forget comparison and what everyone else is doing. Let go of all of the worries and stress. Let go of expectations you put on yourself. Forget where you think you should be in life because you are exactly where you are meant to be doing exactly what you are meant to do. You are good enough just the way you are, brokenness and all. Because if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, there is so much beauty in broken things.

Always,

Courtney